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November 21st, 2004

10:31 pm: down
after having left the note and telling him that it was true that i wanted to end our relationship and just be friends, well today i worked with him...and well it wasnt the same....i mean yea we didnt talk, but thats not different...for we never really talked to begin with at work any ways....i dont know but sometimes i thought to myself...why didnt he care much...i mean did he really think that with him giving me money would satisfie my need to be with him...oh well...and today well i wanted to talk with him...but i didnt...the time had come to close and well i didnt see him anywhere...so i assumed that he had left...and i was like so thats it...now that we are nothing he doesnt wait...i was like ok fine...and i got mad...well as i was finishing up i could hear someone talking in the background...i wasnt sure if it was him...i mean it sounded like him but i was pretty sure that he had left...so i was like ok what ever...well as soon as i was done with everything...i told cathy that i was goin to clock out so i could get home and change so we can go dancing....well as i was leaving....he was there in the back talking in a cell phone...i was like oh he waited...but at the same time i was like oh so he had a cell phone all this time...i got more mad than happy...so i just left and said bye...and i walked out and in the car i waited for a moment to see if he was goin to get out to talk to me...but i saw that he didnt so i was like why am i being so stupid...so i left...what got me so mad was something that laura told me....she told me that she had asked him if he had cried for me....and he told her no...that he didnt know how to cry....that if he felt really bad inside he still wouldnt cry....i was like oh ok...if thats what he says...what ever....and then the last thing he said...if he really felt bad inside...so our break up wasnt anything big....so i was like,i was stupid thinking that he was a nice person....after this i dont know what to do...i feel so cheated on....i dont know who to trust now....i feel so alone....

Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: "Welcome to my life" by Simple Plan

November 20th, 2004

11:18 pm: time to move on
yesterday was a very interesting day...like usual i woke up early to go to school early enough to get parking...school was ok....i got through the classes really fast....after school i went to work...where i got to work along side laura and cathy....it was ok...although people seemed a bit moody....anyways after work which i got off like around almost 5:30, i went to hollywood....i had to change at work just to be able to make it on time...i went with a classmate from my art class...i went to hollywood where we were suppose to see an art gallery....it was fun...after that we headed back home like around 7...we got to the valley like around 8:30....so i called cathy and i told her that i was goin to go to la victoria...since originally i had told her and laura that i might not be goin cause of traffic...she was happy...well after droping off my classmate...i thought about doin one more thing before goin to the club...the day before i had written luis a letter saying that i wanted to break up with him...and well originally i wanted to hand it to him personally...but i didnt...instead since i was early i decided to drive by and leave the note on his car...i was like if he sees it ok and if he doesnt oh well...well as it turns out he did see it and he ended up goin to la victoria...i was happy for two reasons...for one that he saw it and two that he finally went although the reason for him goin wasnt good...while he was there he asked me if what the letter said was true....he also asked me if i had written it too...i got really sad...i wasnt expecting im to go and feel so bad about it...i mean he didnt seem to have alot of feelings for me to begin with...he left early cause he said that he had to wake up early the next day for work....he said that we are goin to talk some more...which i hope its tomorrow...we both work tomorrow so im hoping that we do cause i really to get alot of things straighten out....well after he left i did cry im not goin to lie about that...i mean i really did like him....but the good thing is that i did it now and not later...cause if i had done it later it would have been harder to take....as i think about it now...i do feel free but at the same time i feel sad inside...cause i had thought that i had found someone but the truth was that he wasnt for me and well i feel empty....i guess it is also that i dont know when im goin to find someone else to love...i mean i hadnt had a boyfriend since the time i can back from honduras...and i guess the feeling of loneliness got to me....i want tomorrow to come and then i dont...in either case i wont be able to know what luis thinks about all this until i talk to him later tomorrow......oh well......

Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Current Music: "Me, Myself and I" by Bonyce

October 19th, 2004

03:38 pm: Omg
i was thinking about leaving luis for good,for what he had done on friday...and i was goin to do it on sunday...but cathy had told me that he wasnt goin to work cause abdul had put too many people to work that day...so she had crossed him out of the schedule and she had told him...so i was like damn...i guess ill have to do it on monday then...so on sunday when i go to work at 4...i noticed his car there...i was like thats weird...i was like maybe he is eating there or something...so i go in and clock in and start to work...i see him a little while afterwards and i see that he punched his number in the computer...but i wasnt sure if he was clocking in or out...but then i see him working so i was like he came to work then...a while later the other worker comes in to work...but there were already two cooks...and we didnt need anymore...and so there was a big arguement about who was leaving and who was goin to stay...i was like i hope luis doesnt leave, so i can tell him what i want to tell him to get it over with...and at the end the other cook left and luis stayed cause he had already clocked in...i was like good...well the day was ok not many customers...when we closed luis began to ask me why i had left on friday...why hadnt i waited for him and stuff like that...and i told him that i wanted to get in for free, that i didnt want him to pay...and then he was asking me what had salvador( cathy's ex) told me on friday...i was like he didnt tell me anything...and he said yea that he did, that he over heard salvador say that he was in love with me and stuff like that...i was like if he did say something, he didnt say it to me...and he was like really mad...i could see it in his eyes...he had told me earlier that men cry...i was like what...and he was like yea men cry too, although u dont see us, we do...i was like why is he telling me this...and then i got why he was telling me all this...cathy was saying how can u be friends with someone who is trying to take ur girl away from u...and what he said was like friends, i have no friends, and if my girl goes with him then let her...i couldnt believe that he said that...i was like he doesnt trust me...i was hurt i didnt even know what to say to that...well after we had actually closed the store luis went out and i stayed inside talking to cathy about everything that luis had said...and she was telling me about just how jealous he really was...the whole week...i was like but i havent done anything for him to be that way...and she was like oh well...earlier that day i had gone to buy some chinese soup with money that luis had given me...and well...i had money left over...and i was like oh i have the change from the soups and cathy was like ok lets split it...and i was like no...i want to give it back to him...and she was like dont worry...he doesnt mind...and then as i gave her the money she was like...u really do care about him dont u...and i was like i dont know...do i?? and she was like i think u do....when she said that to me i was like wow...do i really care alot about him...i was maybe thats why i cant tell him its over...cause it really isnt... well when we finally got out of the store luis was still outside...he was talking to his cousin...when he saw me goin to my car...he said bye to his cousin and then came to me...there we talked somemore and then he was like there is no reason for me to be so jealous, but i am and i cant help it...he was like the more i try...i cant...i was like damn he must really care about me to that jealous for me...and thats when i was like no i cant leave him cause i care too much for him and he cares alot for me too...and i spent like 2 hours with him talking and kissing...i didnt want to leave like always...i wanted to be with im the whole night...but i couldnt cause i had to go home...plus i had to be home soon cause i had school the next day... and ever since i still remember sunday...i hope to see him again...i like him alot...and i mean alot....

Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: "A Lo Loco" by Jarabe de Palo

October 16th, 2004

11:00 am: i had fun
last week i went to la victoria just like any other friday and i met this guy name Issac...he asked for my number so i gave it to him...and he has been calling me since...like i gave him the number thinking like so i can move on...but i still havent broken up with luis and i dont know when its goin to happen...cause well i think i like him too much to do it...which suxs cause i know i shouldnt...well on saturday that same week i went out to dance again with cathy, laura, and sandra...i closed the store with cathy that day...so i had to get ready there...which i have done before....lol....well that day i close with luis but i didnt really get to talk to him cause well we were working but when it got to the end and the store was close he left...i didnt even see him leave...and i was like fuck he didnt even say bye to me...i got a bit mad and i didnt regret about having given Issac my number...well we ended up going to a club called castillo...they only played nortenas...so i didnt really get to dance but i still had fun...this wednesday i went out with luis but i didnt really talk much with him cause well we didnt stay out to late for i had to go to school the next day and well he had work early in the morning too...and then this friday well like marvely came down and she went to see me at kfc...so i was there even after i clocked out...and then like my co workers had send for ice cream...and i was goin to get one too...so i was waiting for it...once it came it was like 6:00...one hour after i had gotten off work...i was like should i leave and then like linda (the one who went to get the ice cream) was like dont go eat it here and then u can go, so i was like ok...and then luis was like dont leave stay until we close...i was like no i cant i have to go and get ready...lol...well when i finally finished my ice cream...i told everyone that i was leaving and left to go home and get ready for later that night...as i was getting in my car and getting ready to leave luis comes out and goes to my car...he was like dont go dancing come here and we can do something else,but i was like i want to dance...so then he said then come here when we close and so we can go there together...like i thought about it...i was like it would be a sure thing that he would go cause he is goin to be with u...but then i thought about laura...i was like i told laura to pick me up and we are suppose to met eachother and wait for everyone else...like i didnt want to leave her alone... u know...like it would be messed up...and he was like come on...i was like well i dont know...then i gave him the excuss that if i wait..i would have to pay...and he was like ill pay for u...so i was like well i dont know...and then he was like well i have to go...and as he was running back i scared back to him...if i do wait for u will u go, but he didnt answer back...well i got home and started to get ready...laura picked me up at 9:30 and we went to kfc to drop off cathy's clothes...i was so excited cause well luis had said that he was goin to go and then sandra was goin to go too...at the end luis didnt go which got me mad but i didnt let that get me down...i still had fun although i would have preferred to have had luis there with me the whole night...and well i was hoping to see him on sunday cause i think he doesnt work today but as it turns out he isnt working so i wont see him...and i was goin to tell him that he shouldnt tell me something if he isnt goin to go through with it...but i cant cause i wont see him...oh well....today im goin dancing again with the same people...but this time we r goin to a club called the bahia... they play the same type of music as in la victoria...or so cathy says i dont know for a fact thou...but i dont care as long as i go and enjoy my self...thats all that matters i think...maybe ii see luis today...hopefully....

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: "Heavedn" by DJ Sammy

October 4th, 2004

09:36 pm: I couldnt do it
well i was suppose to talk to luis yesterday...like i was goin to see if he really likes me or not...and i was goin to also find out if our relationship was still strong...but i didnt do it...i guess once im with him i think differently...i know it sounds stupid...like i mean i get mad when i cant see him and when he doesnt call me but once i am with him i just cant get the urge to tell him...because deep down inside...i dont want to...maybe because i like him too much...hopefully ill see him and go out with him soon...so i cant actually do it...and this time for sure...hehehe....

Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: "Tu Recuerdo" By Ilegales

October 2nd, 2004

03:35 am: FRIDAY!!!!!
well friday started just like any other day...by my waking up late...i went to school and then i went to work...but before i go on...thursday i went to the movies with sandra and cindy...we went to see the movie called forgotten...it was ok..i guess...and after the movies we went to jack in the box ate some fries and then we went to kfc and see if luis was out...and he was..we then went to denny's with luis and we were there till like around 11:30...friday was a fun day...i got to work with cathy in the morning which is always amusing...and then i went dancing with her and laura later that day...but this dancing day was different...for one luis had told me that he was goin to go...but he never showed up...i was sad and mad at the same time...and then i got to thinking that why am i like this...this shows just how much he cares about our relationship...i have made up my mind...although it hurts a bit...i think its for the best...im goin to tell luis that its over...im goin to tell him about everything...hopefully everything goes on well...but what im really excited aobut is that there was this guy who started to dance with me...and well he seemed familiar...and well to tell the truth i liked him...and as we were dancing he told me that he had noticed that i went every friday to the victoria and that he had seen me many times...i was like omg...and well he wanted my phone number and i was really willing to give it to him but i wasnt carrying anything to write in...he was like do u have a boyfriend and i was like yea...and then he was like do u love him or do u like him...and i told him that i didnt know...i was especially mad at him for having lied to me...and he was like oh well...give me ur number so i can call u so we can do something together so we can get to know eachtohter better...and well i was ready to give it to him and he left to get something to write it in...but he never came back...i miss him and the worse thing of all is that i dont even know his name...i hope i see him next friday thou...which also sucks cause i had told him that i wasnt goin to go...but now it turns out that i am goin...ojala i see him thou...later

Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
Current Music: "Te Quise Olvidar" by MDO

September 29th, 2004

06:37 pm: Just a regular day
well to began with today woke up late...i had to take a quick shower and get all my things as fast as i could...i got to school at 7:05 or something like that...well i went to all my classes and everything went well so far...i went to work at 11:30 and well i made some mistakes and well it got busy almost at the end of my time... and i got out at 5...i even had my break late today...at 3...but what made my day was when i saw luis...he came to work early and well he was just there...but i couldnt talk much with him cause well it got busy...but when i left i stayed for a while more and well i was talking with cathy and stuff...when i finally left i was getting into my car and well luis got out of the restaurant and he came to me and he told me that he wanted to call me but couldnt remember my number...but he was like i wanted to see u...and i was like how sweet...lol...he said that he was goin to call me tomorrow and thats when i told him...that he better call me cause i was like u always say ur goin to call me and u never do...and all he did was laugh cause he knew it was true...hopefully he will call me...

Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: "Si No estas" by Area 305

September 27th, 2004

10:59 pm: Finally
I went to work on sunday like i had said before and well i got to see him at last...i was so happy and at the same time i was mad...cause well i hadnt seen him and he didnt even call me to see how i was doin...well everything went well and after work i went out with him...i was goin to ask him what he was thinking about not calling me and like what our relationship was heading to...but i didnt cause the first thing that he told me was that he had missed me and that he had longed to see me but couldnt...i was like i guess i wasnt the only one that felt that same way...so i didnt tell him anything...but now i do regret not having done so thou...tomorrow i have my mid term in math...i hope i do well in it...and today i also started to jog around the block with my brother...tomorrow i go again which is goin to be a killer i think...lol...

Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: "Te Esperare" by Sin Bandera

September 25th, 2004

10:55 pm: Nothing exciting
Today was an ok day i guess,...i woke up at 9 today because my mom asked if i could move my car, for it was blocking her car...and she needed to go somewhere...to think that i was able to get out of bed even though i had just had like 5 hours of sleep...i was goin to go with marvely and fahad bowling but it didnt happen cause it got late...i went to work at 4 and for a stupid reason i had thought that luis was goin to be there...but he wasnt...i was like oh well...i guess ill have to wait for tomorrow...hopfully tomorrow im goin to go and bowl with all my other friends...HOPEFULLY...work was ok...not many people went to buy chicken...so it wasnt too busy...during the last hours of work i would think that maybe luis would be outside of the store parked waiting for me to get out...although i knew that was not goin to happen i still thought about it...when i got out...he wasnt there...so i just got in the car and went home...i got out of work like at 10:40...hopefully tomorrow turns out better than today...

Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: "Tu Fotografia" by Gloria Estefan
09:35 am: Fun night
Yesterday started of as a regular day, i went to school and after school i went to work...everything was ok and it even got fun at some points...laura a co-worker came to work and brought her baby...i had imagined him smaller,but he is cute...what i was looking forward the whole day, was goin to pick up marvely from santa barbara and then goin dancing later that night...i was also hoping to see luis yesterday...for i havent seen him or spoken to him since last sunday...but sadly to say, they didnt come true...i got off work around 5:15...and well he never came...i was like should i wait, but at the same time i was like i cant for i have to go home and get ready to go and pick marvely up...so i was like fuck it im goin home...i was like if he really wants to see me he would have called during the week or something but he didnt...so i was like why should i be here wanting to see someone that doesnt really want to see me...so i went home and started to get ready like around 5:30...i was done like around 6:10...so i called fahad to come over so we can leave...cindy also came along...which i now regret for taking her...she went supposly cause she said that she didnt want to stay at home...but i had told her before hand that we were goin to go directly dancing once we came back and that i wasnt goin to have time to take her home if she wanted...and she was like ok...i dont mind goin dancing...so i was like cool...well we left the valley like around 6:40 and we got to santa barbara like at 7:40...it was a long drive but it was nice and the good news was that there wasnt that much traffic, even thou it was a friday...we started to head back home like at 8...and we got here at9...i drove by kfc to see at least luis's car...but as i drove by i saw that his car wasnt there...so i was like he didnt work today...i got a bit happy and i was like maybe he is goin to go after all to the victoria...like we had time we drove to my house and stayed there for a little while...at 9:40 we decided to leave...but something that i wasnt counting on occurred...as we were leaving cindy was like i dont want to go dancing anymore...and i was like what..??i was like i told you, that i wasnt goin to take u home...i said to my self..why did u do this, i was like at least u could have told me earlier and stuff not at the last minute...i tried to convince her to go and then marvely was like just take her home...and i was like well i dont want to cause then we might be late to use the passes...but i finally decided to take her home even thou iknew that i might not get to the club on time to use the pass...i was so mad at that moment...but i was like its my fault, i should have just said no that she couldnt go from the very beginning cause i knew she was like that...but i guess time was with us cause we got to the victoria like around 9:50 and well their werent that many cars and so my car was parked very fast...and me and marvely got to use the passes...which i was looking forward to...once inside we met up with my friends cathy and laura...and then we started to dance the whole night... i had fun, although i was also thinking about luis and hoping for him to come in through the doors of the club any minute...it didnt happen, but i didnt let that keep me down, i enjoyed my night even more than ever cause marvely went too... after the club we went out to eat...and as i was driving to denny's (which is where we went to eat)i asked marvely if she had liked it and she was like yea...i was happy that she liked it and im hoping that she'll come next friday as well...at denny's we ate and had fun, laughing at eachother and just talking...we left like around 3:30...after that i went to drop marvely at her house cause she was like i can come up with a good excuse and i was like ok sure if u want...so i dropped her off to her house and then came home...im hoping for something exciting to happen to me today...and im hoping that i might see luis today even thou i doubt it cause i know he doesnt work on saturday...but who knows....i hope to see marvely later today too...to tell u the truth i dont think im goin to continue goin out with luis...for i hardly see him and he doesnt call me or anything...and well i feel like he doesnt really want to see me either...so if i do see him today im goin to ask him...what he wants, cause i dont want to be thinking like this anymore...

Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: "Vive la Vida" by Area 305
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